may 10th - well the sun is shining, but you'd never know it.

I can't describe the cloud looming over me.
I feel it hover over my every action.
It's a presence I've come to deal with
With time it's become something of a friend
But only in it's prevalent familiarity.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately
Though I don't have much to think about.
After all, are these problems even real?
They seem all blown up like a camera on zoom.
Picking at imperfections of my life and amplifying the echoes of a girl going nowhere fast
And it's all creating these irrational fears
That in a few years tim I'll be in the same start that I am now.
My mind doesn't always operate in forward motions.
Lets get lost in these foreign notions of what we call dreams.
And all the others have aspirations
While I've got hesitation
Because all my life,one thing turns into another nothing.
Nothing stays with me except this dark, dark cloud.
It depicts the future that entails nothing but hard work and heart break that will never pay off.
All I can do is pay for these friends to stay just so that I don't feel lonely in the world.
But what is lonely anyways? Isn't it just facing facts that every back is turned to me, and I'll never be free?
This is gonna haunt me. This isn't the life I signed up for I want more than:
changing scenery and shifting shapes.
This life begs for someone else to do it justice.
But I'm all it's got. And it's got me all tied in knots. This world is fraught with only three kinds of people:
those that are talented, those that work hard to make a living, and those that do both.
Then there's me. I am neither.
And I am none of the above.
I hope that my elbows rub
with one of these people
so that I may feel the joy of being human again
But I've lost all sense of touch and taste what a waste
of human flesh, and eyelashes.
But I don't let anyone know
about nature's mistake, give this a break
Don't press too hard on the issue.
It's fragile and weak
Speak in code to me if you must and trust
that I need to hear the words:
your life is worth living, don't compromise it by dying.