May 6th 2011 - my feeling's on change

Change:

It's upsetting to watch
How much plans can change
Like channels on a television
Switching from program to program
But you're not in charge of the remote
You sit close, a bystander
To your surroundings
Waiting. Always waiting.
Situations arise and fall.
We make plans based on forever changing elements
We place bets on the weather
On the traffic
We use the past to predict the future
We use daily routines as a compass
But we forget that the world keeps spinning
It doens't take us into account
Still we make plans, we prepare our lives
Based on elements
It's safe to say: that these plans often fall through
But we make new ones. We formulate based on present circumstances
objects, times, places
We often forget
that maybe
There is also change
Within ourselves.


This poem was inspired by the ongoing changes of plans in terms of university and college stuff this year in grade 12. It's crazy overwhelming. I never pictured it to be this way, but changes and feelings are forever differing. I've gone through phases where I want to go to a certain school, but after a few weeks I change my mind, and weigh the costs and benefits of each place etc. It's stressful to say the least. And not to make everyone else's struggle seem trivial, but when you have things like auditions for universities it adds a whole new level to things. When you send in your grades that's all you have to do, you wait for the schools to say: well... they've got the appropriate average, send them an acceptance letter.

Theatre is a bit different. You rely on a single day, a single MINUTE to show the judges what you've got. And not going to sugar coat it: the odds aren't exactly stacked in your favour.

So herre's the kicker. My auditions are over. It's May 7, I have to send in my decision on the 2 of June.
I've been accepted to guelph (last choice)  and York and Ryerson still have not "made their decision"
so... my future is in limbo right now. It's killing me. All of my friends are set for school they're in the process of sorting out residence stuff and the living arrangement details and the money. What have I done? I have sat on my butt and waited and waited and waited. Nothing. My last audition was on the 25 of april and I've been checking my application statuses every day since. I'm a nervous wreck. I just want the waiting to be over one way or another. Fingers are so very very crossed. EEEEEEEEEEEK.